Numb

Feeling sick and numb today.....Listening to the Linkin Park song last nite, Shadow of the Day....just such a nice song......woke up with a cold.....last nite was kinda cold....numb as in not feeling anything and just wishing that life can be simpler...less noise, more peace and hopefully more motivation....My family sometimes can be quite noisy, justa family of thinkers....why cant everyone just live in peace and just be happy, always griping about how unlucky and down they are, feeling the world is coming to an end....it made me into who i am, exceptionally pessimistic.

If the family situation isnt good, then it makes my day harder to pass by...I just have to handle classes in a more positive manner....i dont want to be pessimistic anymore, looking down at myself all the time, looking back at all the missed chances and regretting, my life needs a direction and maybe a little more stability.

The motivation I felt a few days ago is gone. I want more time to do the things i want and not to worry about money and earning money and trying to be a good person.

I just feel that life can be better. I dont want to sacrifice anymore. I dont want people to tell me what's rite and what's wrong and that Im still lousy and irresponsible and havent changed for the better....I want to feel rite about myself and that Im slwly making a mark in life.....I want people to understand that tis is who I am....i am changing for the better....

Alot of who i am is how i think of myself.....most of the time i look happy, but im just worried inside.....and regretting what has passed and. I made a lot of mistakes in life and I wasted a lot of time. I look down at myself all the time....that I am going to spend the rest of my life hating myself and questioning whatever i do....